How to help a friend who has been sexually assaulted

Adapted from Georgetown. 

If your friend was sexually assaulted, they may experience the following:

●      Shock

●      Disbelief

●      Anger

●      Mood swings

●      Irritability

●      Disturbances in eating and sleeping habits

●      Denial

●      Fear

●      Helplessness

●      Embarrassment

●      Depression

●      Inability to concentrate or relax

●      Resurfacing memories of past abuse

For some, the emotional impact of sexual assault can be immediate and short term. For others the effects can be long lasting. Your friend may find it helpful to talk to a counselor trained to understand and assist survivors of sexual assault. What you can do:

Believe unconditionally.  People rarely lie about being sexually assaulted. Be sure your friend knows how much you support her or him.

Let the survivor control the situation.  Let your friend determine the pace of healing. Help your friend understand the options available, and encourage your friend to keep her or his options open. Most importantly, allow your friend to make her or his own decisions.

Assure your friend that it was not her or his fault.  No one asks to be sexually assaulted. Avoid blaming questions and judgmental phrases such as, "Why didn't you scream?" or "If I ever get my hands on the creep..." or "I would have done this..." Avoid searching for things your friends should have done.

Show you want to listen.  A friend may confide in you ten minutes or ten years after the assault. At that time, it doesn't matter so much what you say but how well you listen. Remember that your friend's sense of trust has been violated, so one of the most important things you can do is respect her or his need for confidentiality.

Encourage your friend to get medical attention as soon as possible. Your friend can receive medical attention from a private doctor, clinic or hospital emergency room.

Don't be afraid to ask for outside help.  In addition to medical attention, your friend may need counseling. Offer to help your friend access outside services.

Campus Police
Allen Building, East Main and University Drive
540-831-5500 police@radford.edu

Student Counseling Services
Tyler Hall, Lower Level
540-831-5226

Student Health Center, Moffett Hall
540-831-5111

Substance Abuse & Violence Education Support
Heth Hall Room 215
540-831-5709 saves@radford.edu


Women's Resource Center of the NRV  
1217 Grove Ave, Radford, VA 24141
540-639-9592

How to Take Care of Yourself

Understand your own feelings. You may also feel confused, hurt, angry, or frightened. Such feelings are normal.

Don't be afraid to ask for outside help. Find someone other than the survivor to talk with about your feelings. Talking with someone else may help you understand your own emotions and give you a clearer perspective on the situation. Many of the services available for your friend are also available for you.

Know and respect your own limits. There is only so much you can do to help your friend. You can provide support, compassion, and companionship when your friend wants it, but try not to make commitments that you can't fulfill.

Keep the rest of your life on track. Don't forget to take care of yourself. Allowing other aspects of your life to slip through the cracks will only increase your emotional stress.

Remember that it was not your fault. You may feel guilty, thinking that somehow you could have prevented your friend's sexual assault. Don't forget that sexual assault is a violent crime and you are not to blame.

Realize that coping with sexual assault is a long-term process. The Sexual Assault and Relationship Violence Liaison also provides information on other forms of violence and abuse, including resources for survivors of child sexual abuse, relationship violence, stalking, and same-sex violence.