Guest Post: Locker Room Talk by Nasyah Price

“It’s locker room talk”, “All men say that”, “Let men be men”, “It’s no big deal”, “Women should be flattered”, “It’s not like we are actually raping them”. With the recent events of the Trump “P***y Gate” debacle, and an event that I recently attended on campus I thought the topic of rape jokes and the trivialization of rape and the harm it does to not only women but also men will be the topic of my rant. When we joke about rape and sexual assault, we not only make it harder for victims to come forward out of fear of being judged and the victims are not taken seriously in most cases, but it also contributes to the societal view that when a woman is victimized by a man, the man is just doing what nature dictates and therefore cannot and should not be punished.

I recently went to an event on campus that did a viewing of a documentary “Killing Me Softly” that was about how the media portrays women as sexual props to appeal to men. At the very beginning of the event the moderators explicitly announced that they recognize that 10% of rape victims are men (http://www.rainn.org/statistics/scope-problem)[1] and that the audience is well aware that all men do not assault and/or rape women. There was an open forum afterwards with survey questions that could be texted in anonymously for the moderator to discuss. 

At first the audience of about 60 people texted or responded with legitimate and respectful answers, however that changed when the answers that were texted in became “funny”. Some of the answers at first were “R.I.P Harambe” or “Hillary was responsible for 9/11” but then the answers got incredible crass and even threatening, “Women disgust me with their whining”, “I wish rape WAS legal” the phrase “This is stupid/dumb/pointless” as a top answer. Men were laughing at women who expressed their fears to go out at night...the men acted indignant towards the women of the room who did not want to be repeatedly catcalled just walking around campus. Calling themselves “Representatives for men” they said men do not act or think the way they thought the discussion was trying to portray them. The rape culture was being exaggerated even though they were shooting themselves in the foot with the results of the survey answers (shown on the projector screen)...which displayed degrading slurs and disrespectful comments about the women through the cell phone survey for all to see. 

Not being able to stand the mockery that was directed toward women in the audience I stood up. With my boiling rage, I made known that [a] man ... raped me when I was sixteen and ... I was sexually assaulted by [another man] at work. The comments people were sending in for the survey believed they were funny and the energy of the people in the room proved why we need to have discussions about sexual assault. The psychological trauma every woman has gone through including myself was just another matter to kid around about. Some people clapped with respect and others scoffed. There was no more laughter or ridicule of people trying to talk about actions to prevent sexual assault. There was one last comment sent in that will forever be ingrained in my mind and already tattered soul; “third times a charm” [sic].

In Emily Buchwald's book “Transforming a Rape Culture”[2] she talks about how when a society normalizes sexualized violence, we are essentially accepting and creating rape culture. One the national average 1 in 6 women will be sexually assaulted and that number is even higher on a college campus with 1 in 5 women will be sexually assaulted[3]. Only 10% of is rape is reported and it is the most unreported crime in the world. When society blames the victims, the actually victims of sexual assault believe they deserved or brought about being attacked. When I was being questioned by the police, I was asked what was I wearing, was I under the influence, did I give any indication that I was being flirtatious. I was the reason for my rape and sexual assault, not my attacker. How can we rationalize that rape is funny or when it’s a conversation casually being talked about, it is perfectly normal? 

In a patriarchal society rape isn’t seen as a crime that someone should be put in prison for life even though the women and men affected will never have a sense of security every again walking home at night. They will always have feelings of distrust in their heart if the survivor wants to share a romantic relationship. Survivors of rape and sexual assault do not find rape jokes funny, we are appalled and it’s harder for us to move forward towards healing and to feel safe. This is not fair to the anyone because men who respect women will still be looked upon with wariness and suspicion for a crime they have not committed. When we see and hear rape jokes and excuse given that it’s normal, we believe it’s normal, that men really do talk about women as sexual props and that they can do whatever they please, when in reality it is not. If you don’t want to be seen or viewed as a rapist don’t make rape jokes, it’s that simple.

[1] (Scope of the Problem: Statistics, 2016)

[2] Buchwald, Emilie, Pamela R. Fletcher, and Martha Roth. “Accepting Rape Culture.” Transforming a Rape Culture. Minneapolis, MN: Milkweed Editions, 1993. N. pag. Print.

[3] Violence Resource, National. “Facts about Sexual Violence.” PsycEXTRA Dataset (n.d.): n. pag. Statistics about Sexual Violence. National Sexual Violence Resource, 2015. Web. 14 Oct. 2016.

by Nasyah Price  this post originally appeared on Medium.