When I Was Growing Up is a poem by Nellie Wong that tackles her earlier feelings with race. Like many people during their youth, Wong constantly compared herself to the images and displays around her. There was little Asian representation within the media, especially for those with darker skin. Wong explains the pressure she felt to act and to be a white person. She constantly tried to change herself to become the ideal white woman. Wong goes on to say how she saw women in the media who had “blonde hair, white skin, and sensuous lips.” As she grew older, Wong felt out of place from society and as if her ethnicity was the opposite of American.
When reading this poem, many of her experiences felt like my own. Euro-centric beauty was always the forefront of this society and unless I was in a predominantly black space, I never saw any different. The perceptive my mother gave me as beautiful and the “American Woman” versus the one shown throughout the world confused me. I was never the prettiest one in the room so doubled with that and my strong black features, self-hatred came easy. My negro nose, big eyebrows, and deep voice were all unwanted by boys and girls alike.
I went over this poem about four times and each read hurt more than the one before. Knowing my own issues, I felt for Wong and wished none of these emotions were experienced by her. She described herself as being dirty because of her race and describes the Asian slums. I feel her situation made mine look childish because I had little things that she did not. I had Bratz dolls, whose features resembled mine. It’s very upsetting that Nellie felt this way, America the “Land of the Free” didn’t welcome her with open arms, but rather ones she had to claw open. As women, it is terribly difficult to get away from the idea that you are expected to look a certain way, it’s in commercials, magazines and movies. Wong also discusses her shame towards men of her ethnicity and how honored she felt when white men would ask her on dates, feeling as if she upheld the reputation of the “oriental chick”. Living in America, women of every color and race should not have to try to act or look like the perfect woman. Media elevates this issues and in my opinion, shows the truth of how ugly American can truly be.
When reading this poem, many of her experiences felt like my own. Euro-centric beauty was always the forefront of this society and unless I was in a predominantly black space, I never saw any different. The perceptive my mother gave me as beautiful and the “American Woman” versus the one shown throughout the world confused me. I was never the prettiest one in the room so doubled with that and my strong black features, self-hatred came easy. My negro nose, big eyebrows, and deep voice were all unwanted by boys and girls alike.
I went over this poem about four times and each read hurt more than the one before. Knowing my own issues, I felt for Wong and wished none of these emotions were experienced by her. She described herself as being dirty because of her race and describes the Asian slums. I feel her situation made mine look childish because I had little things that she did not. I had Bratz dolls, whose features resembled mine. It’s very upsetting that Nellie felt this way, America the “Land of the Free” didn’t welcome her with open arms, but rather ones she had to claw open. As women, it is terribly difficult to get away from the idea that you are expected to look a certain way, it’s in commercials, magazines and movies. Wong also discusses her shame towards men of her ethnicity and how honored she felt when white men would ask her on dates, feeling as if she upheld the reputation of the “oriental chick”. Living in America, women of every color and race should not have to try to act or look like the perfect woman. Media elevates this issues and in my opinion, shows the truth of how ugly American can truly be.
